Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
