This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
