There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I love how my cats smell like pot.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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