Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
