Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
