Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
