How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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