It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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