So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
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