yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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