the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The adults are the big ones right?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
