If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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