??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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