i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
