got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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