the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
