Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
