The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
