did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
