Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
jump out the window naked night went bad
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