mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
