Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
