I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
