your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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