why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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