We won't sleep together?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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