Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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