Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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