listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
