someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
