NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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