im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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