Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
