Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
