just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
