I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
