people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
