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I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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