Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
