Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
