My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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