Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
