I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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