he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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