Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
