Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
