I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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