So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I checked into jail on foursquare
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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