we're chasing vodka with high fives
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Randomize
