Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
there's paper in my vomit.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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