Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
