By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
