There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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